Yay, mesage I received today

Had to post this one because it made my day.  Received this from a friend this afternoon:

"Okay so your evil! I started to read your book this morning and now I can't put it down. My house is a pig sty and is Christmas on Saturday and all I care about it what happens next to Bram!! I smell New York Times best sellers list!!!!!!!!"

If only an agent would feel that way.

Rewritten query

I posted my query on an agent's forum with the hope of getting some good feedback and less rejections from agents.  I got some wonderful feedback from other writers.  I did a rewrite for my query.  I would love to hear from those of you who have read the book.  Does the query make more sense, and does it show more of Bram's personality and what is driving him forward?
Thanks.
Laurie

Dear Agent,

Seventeen-year-old Bram Mathers is an expert at controlling his emotions.  He has plenty of experience; he recently lost half his family in a car wreck.   But when Bram suddenly becomes possessed by a good-natured spirit, his composure begins to show some cracks.  Bram’s problems intensify when he again is possessed, this time by a shrewd and wicked spirit. He is abruptly thrown into a chaotic world where people are prepared to betray and kill in order to gain power.

Under the pretense of going off to college, Bram moves to Portland, Oregon.  There he stays at the Alliance, a safe haven for those who are possessed by uncorrupted souls.  Bram soon learns that those possessed by more than one spirit usually become insane. However, the Alliance’s priest contrives a way to help minimize the damage inflicted on Bram’s mind by suppressing the evil spirit inside Bram.

At the Alliance, Bram trains to control his new psychic powers that accompanied his possessions.  Tragically, Bram endures two more possessions.  Though Bram’s powers are increased by the number of possessors, his already fragile mind progressively becomes unstable.  

News of Bram’s incredible abilities begins to spread among those possessed by power-hungry spirits.  The evil spirit inside of Bram takes advantage of an opportune moment and leaks information about Bram and the Alliance to these individuals.  Bram finds himself desperately clinging to what is left of his sanity while attempting to save his friends from those bent on discovering the source of his powers.

 Bram’s mind finally snaps when the girl he loves possesses him.  She is killed by men who attack the Alliance trying to find out more about Bram’s powerful abilities.  No longer able to control the erratic emotions of despair and rage flowing within him, Bram sets forth to unleash his terrible power upon his enemies and save what remains of his now beloved Alliance.  The question is can he protect them from both that which is dangerous on the outside, and that which is perilously evil within?

CALL US LEGION is a Young-Adult paranormal thriller complete at 93,000 words.  I would be happy to send you the manuscript.  Thank you for your time and consideration.

Funny thing about Caden

We have been watching Survivor pretty regularly.  My husband, Alan, when he read Call Us Legion, envisioned Caden to look and act a bit like Fabio on Survivor.  Now, as we are getting towards the end of Survivor, we both can't bear the thought of Fabio getting sent home.  This last time,  we were sure he was a goner.  But Caden like, he survived and they sent home Benry.  Go Caden!  I mean Fabio  :D

Thy synopsis if off!

After a wild and crazy 24 hours, the synopsis is written and sent off the requesting agent.  Have to send a special shout out to my brother, Jason, and my parents.  They were a tremendous help is polishing it up.  Now I just need to sit back and relax.  Got a good night sleep so that helped.  Yesterday's 3 hours of sleep had some negative effects on my brain.

It's 3:00 a.m. and I can't sleep

My lungs are fried, and I can't sleep.  I've been working on a Synopsis for Call Us Legion.  I realize now, that a synopsis is the most hideous thing in the world to write.  How do you condense 440 pages into 3-5 pages catching all the main events and happenings and still have it make sense?  Plus, I am somehow supposed to make it snappy and interesting.  Right now I have 5 pages of pure chaos and confusion.  The only relief that I can find is knowing from my Google searches, that all the other writers out there also abhor the dreaded synopsis.   

Hurrah! First request.

Received my first request today!  Hurrah, I wasn't expecting this until at least 15 more rejections.  I have only received 7 rejections.  Doing the happy dance right now.

"Dear Laurie,

Thank you for your query. We read it with interest and would like to see more.

If you could please send one Word document with the original query and your contact information as the first page, followed by a 3-5 page synopsis and then the first 30 pages of the manuscript, that’d be great.

Let me know if you have any questions."



Ok I am an idiot for not knowing this earlier.  But I guess it is an important thing to have a synopsis ready and polished.  Didn't know they even existed. Didn't come across that in any of my readings.  I now will be spending the entire night working hard to have a decent synopsis.

Piano Music

Bram has been exploring his piano playing abilities lately .  To get in the right mood, I have been listening to Piano Whisperings while writing.  Now I am hooked.  I don't think I will be able to write now unless it is playing in the background.  It is perfect.  Though Lucy liked to play more classical type pieces, Bram is definitely a more smooth jazz,  New Age style pianist.   

Keeping Busy

I am really liking how the sequel is going.  The title for it is Furnace of Afflictions.  Yes, there is definitely a reason for the title.  Things are not going easily for the main characters.  The perspective goes back and forth between Bram and Paul, and both of them have some nasty trials.  I am actually beginning to like this book better than Call Us Legion.  There are a couple scenes that I have to admit, I have enjoyed reading over and over again in my editing.  They are just plain fun  :D  Will hurry on with it so everyone else can get a chance to read it.  I have stopped working on it for a bit to do some editing on Call US Legion.  But, I promise today, since I am still sick, I will put in a full day's work on it.

second rejection misspelled

I am not going to list all my rejections, but this was a bit depressing.  It was a hand written rejection.  She must have been in a hurry.
"Thank you for thinking of me, but I do not feel that I am a god fir for this.  All my best, Sara"
She wrote back apologizing that she meant to say "good fit".  At least she was kind enough to write back.  And, it wasn't a form letter.  

First rejection. Expect 100 more.

Dear Author:

Thanks so much for letting us take a look at your materials and please forgive us for responding with a form letter.  The volume of submissions we receive, however, makes it impossible to correspond with everyone personally.

Unfortunately, the project you describe does not suit our list at this time.  We wish you the best of luck in finding an agent and publisher for your work and we thank you, once again, for letting us consider your materials.

Sincerely,